Santa as a concept is magical, but also cruel. As a kid you know him as the guy who takes your milk and cookies (precious commodities in any household), who gropes your mom when he thinks you aren’t looking, and who gives all the best toys to the rich kids. Then one day, he suddenly doesn’t exist, and the magic of Christmas is lost forever. Suffice to say, if Santa had existed – and was as perfect as he’s made out to be – we’d be owed about 13 boxed, naked Stacys by now. Instead we’ll have to make do with locking the doors, drawing the curtains and watching her wrestling videos on a constant loop until the only way we can talk is using theatrical threats.
